Chapter twenty four
Supay was standing still with the cassava root twisted in between her fingers. She was about to try to flick the cassava root in a girl's mouth just to see if she could so and the girls were waiting for the flick but Supay dragged it out holding the root tightly between her index and thumb for a good minute before letting it fly. Rather than go into a girl's mouth, the cassava root crashed against the ceiling and fell into a candle halfway melted by the edge of the room wall. Disappointed, staring at her failure resting in the melting candle, she plonked herself back on the mat while letting out a theatrical noise of defeat.
'This game is so stupid,' she lamented, sighing, looking around her. The other girls relaxed too, having had their mouths open in an awkward position for a while and for no reason because that game was one that they couldn't win and one that they didn't want to win. There nothing more than a useless enterprise to get under someone's skin. One or two of them had a look on their faces that said that their patience was stretching its limits. Pisco didn't see any of this however and continued her lamentation. 'The only way this makes sense is that the universe doesn't want you to share with me. I guess it wants me alone.' She avoided eyes, as if she was embarrassed by her statement, embarrassed for the universe, embarrassed that it would refuse her largesse.
One girl couldn't help but laugh. Pisco watched on silently.
'It's like that boy who was singing that song and every time someone sang with me, they were struck down. Fire came out of their mouths rather than melody.' She poured herself some yuca slime. 'Can you imagine singing by yourself? Ugh! Gruesome.' She took a sip. 'If it's not sung in chorus it shouldn't be sung at all. And that boy was forced to sing alone. Must have been pitiful to see. As pitiful as me, forced to be alone.'
Despite the melancholy one could feel the joy radiating from her.
Pisco remained quiet but recognised the sentiment of loneliness and this feeling showed itself on her face.
'You know what I mean ?' asked Supay, looking at Pisco. 'You like singing songs by yourself?'
'Ehh.'
'I wish I was on your side,' Supay, sighed again, taking a root. She put it in between her teeth and pressed her front teeth on it and then took it out. 'At least you are together.' She threw the root back in the bowl of cassava roots. 'Doing things together when I have to do it by myself. And my last day is coming…who was there at the last ceremony when they sacrificed my sister?'
She looked around.
'I can't be the oldest one here! I think I was like, two..'
'I was there,' a girl said. 'I think…all of us were there right?' Most of the girls nodded. 'We had to be there.'
'Yea, everyone has to be there,' said Supay proudly. 'I was only a baby though last time but I'm sure I was there to send my sister off. I don't remember anything about it though. Was it nice?' She looked at Pisco.
'I wasn't there,' Pisco said sadly.
'How is that? How come? How old are you, I swear you're…'
'I'm fourteen.'
'So you're older than me! How come you weren't there.'
'I don't know…I wasn't allowed out.'
'Even for the sacrifice?'
Everyone was staring at her curiously. She fidgeted a little.
'I..I wish I had been there.'
'Wow. Doesn't that mean misfortune? I didn't know people didn't go to the sacrifice when the sacrifice is for the people. Did your family go?'
'Yea…I think I was…I don't know. Asleep maybe. I wasn't allowed out much, not until recently. I think they said that I was shy.'
'They said you were shy?' asked Supay in bemusement. 'But were you shy?'
'I don't know…I think so.'
'Will you come to my sacrifice?'
'I…hmmm…if I don't have anything better to do.'
'Haha! If not I'll -'
The curtains were opened, unexpectedly so and they looked up in surprise. Maita came through, followed by Amaru and their newborn. Supay turned to them with dawning recognition and blushed when it finally broke, telling everyone to clear out so she could spend some time with her family, once again proudly saying that it was her last day alive. The parents were standing, with an aspect of discomfort and outrage, waiting for these girls to put away the jars in silence and Pisco noted with interest that she was not the only one who did not say hi as they entered. Would she tell her parents off for the same thing she told Pisco off for? She thought not.
Chapter twenty five
'I don't know how much longer I can stand her, this… jewel of the village,' one of the girls said as they walked down the steps of Heaven's Bridge. Once again it was the time from which the village got its name, where the sun and the moon were both occupying the sky at the same time. This time it was sundown.
'Yeah. What a terrible sacrifice,' said another girl. 'What are we sacrificing if we lose her?'
'Nothing. Absolutely nothing. We're gaining not losing.'
'She is insufferable.'
'I'd be more…I'd be different, definitely. More proper, more solemn. I'd be happy too, of course, but I would never be like that. I would be different.'
Every girl was flicking their hair over their shoulder to illustrate their prettiness, how equal they were to Supay, superior even, at their right angle, physically but especially morally.
'Some tricks must have been pulled by the family for them to get all these nominations. How is it they always get the sacrifice?'
'Right! Even now my sister gave birth to another baby and there's no chance of her giving her daughter away as sacrifice.'
'This is so unfair! Not one of my family has ever been sacrificed. Not one! Mine must be the only one.'
'No. You had your great aunt. She was sacrificed.'
'Really? How do you..'
'I know every sacrifice for the past five hundred years. My mother insists I know history.'
'But that was so long ago it doesn't count. Every other generation should have one sacrifice in my opinion.'
'Yes! A fitting sacrifice too.'
'I can't see how I was overlooked.'
'All of us would be better as a sacrifice. Right, Pisco?' She looked at her in the light of heaven, that of the sun and the moon, its tandem giving a perfect filtering beauty to Heaven's Bridge, and one could see that she was struck by Pisco's cuteness, despite the fact that every girl there was of similar aesthetic. 'You definitely would have been a better sacrifice.'
'Me? No. Never. I don't even want to be.'
'What?'
Every girl stopped to stare at her.
'I mean I do, but I want to spend time with other people first, I mean.'
'What did she say?'
'I don't think I've spent enough time -'
'Haha! You'll spend time with them as a - spirit! With them and all the other spirits, the sacrifices.'
'Really? Is that why you want to be a sacrifice?'
'Yes, I want to be a - shield. A shield that sticks. I don't want to disappear. I want to stay here - forever.'
'Oh I want to stay here forever too!' Pisco exclaimed. 'That's exactly what I want.'
'But there's no chance for us worthy people,' the girl sighed and started to go down the steps. 'This one family has a hold on sacrifice. It's as if their family is the only one allowed to give thanks for having a child like that through sacrifice. My own family is happy to have had me and wish to give thanks to the universe too by giving me back to the universe. But they're not allowed!'
'We're coming to the end now - it should be over,' another girl said. 'How many kids does she have left in her?'
'Yeah, it's done. Unless…which one of them is the reason they had these kids?'
'What are you saying?'
'If it's Maita then he could get a new woman and then it will start over again. A man can make kids for forever.'
'I don't think it has anything to do with how their kids look. Certainly not after their second sacrifice. It's only because the village is following a pattern and people don't want to break a pattern, seeing how good it feels to see it continue.'
'So this will never end, then? Not in our lifetime. Our kids will never get the chance to be a sacrifice.'
'Not unless he chooses one of us as his next woman.'
'I don't want him! I don't even know how he made them kids to begin with.'
'I don't think he'll have another sacrifice even if he has a new child. What they create together is what gives them the honour like how the sun and moon created Heaven's Bridge. Any other woman or man would destroy the pattern.'
'Soon there'll be equality on Heaven's Bridge. Equal opportunity.'
There was a short pause as they said goodbye to a girl whose house had come up.
'What if she died before the sacrifice? What would happen then?'
'What do you mean?'
'What would happen if Supay dies tomorrow and not the day after?'
'Nothing like that can happen.'
'Yeah it can. She can choke on something and die like that.'
'We're more likely to choke on something than her.'
'This happened before. They said that one sacrifice died before in some circumstance and that destroyed the whole village. Afterwards they left that area and created Heavens Bridge.'
'Is that what happened? I heard something different.'
'No. This is what happened.'
'What's the circumstance then?
'She killed herself.'
'How?' the girl cried out, shocked. She said how but meant it to be what.
'I'm not lying. She killed herself the night before, running off and jumping in the river.'
'How do they know she killed herself? Maybe she fell.'
'No one is stupid enough to fall in water by accident and die. She killed herself. Maybe she got some help from a stonefish but she did that on purpose.'
'But for what? If she had just waited a little while…'
'No one knows. I think she just wanted to see what would happen.'
'How would she have seen what would have happened? She would have been dead. How could she see what would happen? Did she think suicides are treated like sacrifices where your spirit remains among the living?'
'Who knows what she thought. They quickly got someone else to sacrifice but it didn't work. The universe only wants jewels for its crown.'
'Bet the replacement sacrifice would have been upset to see her sacrifice be worth nothing.'
'And what did they do with the body of the divine sacrifice? Did they let it float away?'
'No. The divine sacrifice was fished out and buried in the cemetery. When the collapse began, they dug her back out and put her with the replacement sacrifice. But it didn't work. It means nothing when you bury the dead when she should have been buried alive.'
There was another pause as another girl departed to her house on the ledge.
'Now I'm getting scared. What if Supay kills herself or something kills her before the ceremony? It's still two days left.'
'One and half day. But I don't think we need to worry about Supay. She's too happy to be a sacrifice to let it slip by her. She doesn't even go outside just in case something happens. And even if it did and she died before the sacrifice, I doubt the universe would destroy Heaven's Bridge. You can't destroy the bridge without destroying heaven itself. And there is no universe without a heaven.'
Chapter twenty six
The baby had started to cry in Supay's lap. At first her lips twitched in surprise because she didn't know why the baby was crying. Supay began to kiss it playfully all over and saw the protesting child's cries dim as it was trying to use its fledgling arms to push away her big sister. Then the cries resumed again their intensity. Supay leaned back and looked at the crying baby for a moment bemusedly and then handed her to her mother who was sitting next to her father within arms reach.
'Maybe, maybe she needs some milk,' she said tentatively.
Ever since they had come into this room Maita and Amaru had mostly been in the manner of struggling animation, trying to attain the energy and desire to be with their eldest living daughter. Supay noticed this and it made for an awkward environment.
'What's wrong with them?' wondered Supay to herself. 'Why are they acting so strangely?'
'She cries all the time for no reason,' Amaru said, loudly, jarringly louder than her newborn while rocking it slightly.
'This time it's not milk?'
She sounded disappointed.
'No. I just gave her some milk a little while ago,' Amaru answered with a big, strained smile.
'A shame..'
'A shame? Why?' said Maita, laughingly, with a hollow laugh.
'I wanted to see her eat.'
'You wanted to see her eat?' repeated Maita in surprise. 'For what?'
'She wouldn't accept it now,' said Amaru. The baby had settled already.
'Is that how I was too? Crying all the time? I can't remember the last time I cried.'
'You were like that too,' answered Amaru. 'Your older sister was like that. All of you are the same.'
Maita was looking around the room. He was fidgeting, sitting like a butterfly, making it seem like he wasn't physically comfortable.
'Oh! I remember now. I cried when they told me I was going to be a sacrifice. I was so happy!'
Sharing the last day of a condemned man; being present by the bedside of a dying patient, a sacrifice on the verge of their ceremony - there is a difference between them despite the fact that all of them have an immediate death sentence in front of them. The condemned man is punished for his criminality and dies because society kills him - against his will. A dying patient suffers from ailment and dies - against their will. But one of them, and only one of them, is happy to be dying. Not even a suicide is truly happy about leaving earth since it was the circumstances of the living that made them suicidal; and this joy of the sacrifice happy to die rakes the senses of the living. Maita and Amaru were about to lose their daughter, but that was not why they didn't want to be there. They didn't want to be there because the living do not want to be around those who are happy to die. They felt strange, uncomfortable, since their nature exhorted them to feel sorry for Supay but there was nothing to feel sorry for, since Supay was happy to die. There was more anger, outrage and aversion than anything else but they tried to suppress this with whatever strength they had left.
'Hey, was I at my sister's sacrifice?'
'Everyone was there,' replied Amaru curtly looking at the baby.
'That's what I thought too. But…you know Pisco? She said that she wasn't there and she's older than me! Can it be that she wasn't there?'
'Wasn't she?' said Amaru looking up at Supay. 'I don't remember much from that day.'
'Pisco? Is that the midwife's granddaughter?'
'Yes, her. Today she had a twist in her hair.'
Maita shrugged it off.
'Maybe she was sick.'
'I want you to bring my sister there, come what may. Sick or no. I want everyone there.'
'Do you want to be there?' asked Amaru suddenly.
Supay stared at Amaru.
'What ?'
'If you don't want to, tell me now. I'll take you away as a mother's duty.'
'What are you saying?' said Maita, chewing his bottom lip. 'Can't you see she's happy?'
'Yeah,' exclaimed Supay, looking at her mother like she was crazy.
'What more could she want,' added Maita, who had a trace of irony in his tone despite himself. 'She's having the time of her life and no doubt sleeping the sleep of the dead.'
'Yeah. What do I have to worry about?'
'Very well,' said Amaru with a sad smile.
It was not that she believed that Supay was putting on a brave face that made Amaru sad, but that she was without doubt that Supay was sincere that took the life out of her, not long before Supay would see the same for her. Her daughter was happy not to grow old with her parents, just like the living were faced with someone ecstatic to die.
'Your face is getting fuller from rest,' Maita continued, with a growing harshness in his tone, 'comfort, and contentment. Ready for the big day.'
'I think I will be ready,' said Supay, flushing with joy and pride, 'to be worthy of sacrifice. The village will receive recompense for it.'
'What's that there?' asked Maita suddenly. By the wall, next to the candles and jars was the candle Supay herself had made, and thrown against the wall, splitting it in half. Maita got up and grabbed the two pieces and returned. 'This is yours right?'
'Yeah, but that's my last one - ever.'
'Why?' Maita asked, putting the two pieces together. 'You still have time.'
'Who broke it?' interjected Amaru. 'It looks so nice. You have real talent.'
'I broke it. I don't want to do it anymore.'
'Why ? You were always so good at it.'
'I'm not sure if I can, if I have enough time…I think it's best to leave… mystery. Right now people don't know my limits. The more I do, the more people will see my limits. If I leave things as they are, people will wonder what I'm capable of, seeing as I'm going soon. They'll create my best works for me - in their imagination. I don't even need to do anything but let things lie.'
Maita pushed the two pieces together hard, so hard both women glanced at the candle. He did so not because he really wished to infuse them into one but to simmer down his agitation. His daughter's happiness was infuriating him as a crime against nature. Her elder sister had been the same way…
'Really; the less I do the more things become possible for me.'
'Is that right,' he said icily, thinking how uncannily she had turned out like her elder sister, how they both became intolerable, and despite the shadow of rebuke on a father's face, he simply turned to his younger daughter, his look instantly softening with fear because fear softens sometimes too, thinking of escape. But from what he asked himself. From his now eldest living daughter? A twelve year old? He relaxed a little, feeling slightly ridiculous, keeping his voice even, yet still anxious to leave.
'Well, then. This environment serves you well for that purpose. You've doubled in size in three weeks. …it's getting late.'
Her father's hostility and her mother's rueful smile hadn't been lost on her. As Supay reached the threshold of sleep later that night she asked herself: 'Aren't they proud of me?' What made her happy however was to see her baby sister so pretty, undoubtedly a future sacrifice. She was happy for her sister and sleep came by easily and quickly, as innocent joy is the best sleeping sedative there is.
